The 4th of May
by YB Fan
Summary: Hatred is stronger than love. That was what Orihara Izaya had always thought, until Heiwajima Shizuo's wedding day. The protozoan proved him wrong again, for the last time. One-sided Shizaya/Izuo. Character study on Izaya


The 4th of May.

Orihara Izaya's birthday.

And Heiwajima Shizuo's wedding day.

. . .

He should have seen it coming. Hell, he was an informant, the Orihara Izaya. He should have known.

But he didn't.

He hadn't known.

He had let his guard down, and just like that time, he was stabbed.

But this time, it wasn't by Yodogiri Jinai.

It was by Heiwajima Shizuo, the monster whom had been chasing him for years.

And it was in his heart.

. . .

. . .

. . .

_"I'm tired of this."_

_"What?"_

_"You heard me, flea. I'm tired of this. Right now, I have more important things in my life." A puff on a cigarette. A glance from behind blue tinted sunglasses. "I forgive you."_

_The words were so sudden, laced with a slight heaviness that he stared, stared, and then doubled over in laughter. "Hahaha! Forgive me?! Shizu-chan, do you hear yourself-"_

_"Yeah, I do." Shizuo said calmly. He puffed once more then dropped his cigarette and ground it under his heel. And then he took off his sunglasses and looked the stunned informant in his red eyes. "Orihara Izaya, fucking louse that made my life a living hell for a fucking decade," the blond inhaled. "I forgive you. And with this, it's goodbye, Izaya."_

_And then he turned and walked away, leaving behind his last words to his frozen former enemy._

_"If I can forgive her, I can forgive you."_

. . .

. . .

. . .

He'd thought he had been joking, of course. Heiwajima Shizuo forgiving him? _Heiwajima Shizuo forgiving Orihara Izaya_? It was impossible! It had to be a fucking joke!

But it wasn't. For how could it be when Shizuo did not fly into a rage at the sight of him? When, when he called, _"Shizu-chan!"_, Shizuo merely looked at him with a nod and acknowledged him? When, when Izaya had tried to stab him, he'd caught his wrist, took away his knife and gave it _back _to him?

Even when Izaya had stabbed him out of frustration, there had only been a flash of his eyes before he had said in that frustratingly calm tone, "Hey. Can you not do that? Now I have blood all over my clothes. I can't go on my date like this." He ran a hand through his hair, "If she sees me covered in blood, well…" he shook his head, a fond smile on his lips.

"Later."

And he was left staring once again at that retreating back, fingers trembling and knife almost falling out of his grasp.

...

...

...

What was it that Oscar Wilde had said? _Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more._

For Izaya was more annoyed than he had been in a long time.

Though it wasn't like Shizu-chan knew that- Izaya doubted his protozoan brain had the capacity to comprehend Oscar Wilde. If the man had, hypothetically speaking in a very impossible situation, been in front of him for say, in his dream, he would have probably snapped and yelled something barbaric like, _"Forgive? Me? That fucking louse?! Are you fucking insane?! Who the hell are you anyway?!" _

Nope, Shizu-chan wouldn't understand and he probably didn't even _know_ who Oscar Wilde was. Ah but what was that that Socrates said? _True wisdom lies in knowing nothing_? It made him want to laugh. His lips curled. Well he supposed he could agree with the Greek philosopher on certain occasions – like, if he knew nothing about someone he definitely had to gain knowledge on them because he was Orihara Izaya and he knew everybody even if they didn't know him. But knowing _nothing_ at all like Shizu-chan and his miniscule brain? He would beg to differ that was true wisdom. Sure, Shizu-chan was unexpectedly sharp at times but he doubted the brute could be considered wise.

So it couldn't be that Shizu-chan had read up on Oscar Wilde (_pfft_) and decided to employ his strategy of forgiveness. Nope, Shizu-chan didn't play that way. He wouldn't attempt to beat Izaya at his own game, would he? He shouldn't overestimate him. The brute was a brute for he fought with brawns, not brains. Heiwajima Shizuo was also stubborn and didn't listen to anyone's logic but his own. Izaya didn't know whether that was smart or stupid. Not that Shizu-chan was smart- oh no, it was just the idea of being able to think (haha) for oneself that would make one smart, but oh wait, Shizu-chan couldn't _think,_ could he? He couldn't see reason. He just _acted_. Ah as always the normal kind of human logic didn't apply to such a monster.

Satisfied with his logic, a smile spread across Izaya's face and he hummed, skipping along to his next destination. It was just probably a phase Shizuo was going through. It wasn't like the blond even had the capacity to forgive him. No, he had made sure of that, and Izaya was certain that was one plan Shizuo had not ruined, for how could he ruin something he was unaware of in the first place?

Izaya smirked. Ah yes, there was no use concerning himself with that monster. There were better, more useful things to do. With his precious humans.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he took it out, an amused smile curving his lips.

"Hey, Shiki-san. We haven't spoken for quite a while."

Orihara Izaya was a busy man after all.

...

...

...

It had been a normal day.

"Is that all?"

"Well I wonder-"

Shiki's eyes gleamed at him.

"-Of course that's all! I'm hurt you would distrust me so, Shiki-san."

"You know very well yourself there's not a person in this city who doesn't distrust you." Shiki said and stood up smoothly.

"Ah true," Izaya leaned back with an amused smile against his desk, "Then again, you're not too trustworthy yourself."

"It comes with the job." Shiki replied as if it didn't matter to him at all. He paused. "Orihara."

"Hm?"

"That secretary of yours, where is she?"

"Ah? You mean Namie-san?" Izaya said, "I fired her."

"What?"

"Why?" Izaya said in bemusement, his mind coming up with possibilities regarding the inscrutable man, "Are you concerned? Could it be she's so desperate for money for her precious brother that she approached you? Now wouldn't that be amusing!"

"Or maybe it's something more cliché, like you met her and fell for her. Ah yes, Shiki-san likes snarky, rebellious women, yes? Namie-san would be just your type! Or is she too young for you?"

"I see you haven't changed." Shiki almost sounded amused, and continued on his way, "Or did you fire her because she became too close?"

"Please don't be ridiculous, Shiki-san," Izaya said smoothly, smiling in amusement. His lips quirked, "I fired her because I wanted to see her reaction."

"Whose reaction, I wonder?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Shiki said. He turned his sharp gaze to Izaya, "I trust your information still remains reliable, Orihara. Enjoy your own company." He gave an amused smirk, "I have a…public event to attend."

"Ohhh," Izaya smirked, "Can I join? I'm so bored nowadays!"

"You weren't invited." Shiki said, and left the room.

...

Izaya waited until Shiki left, then fell back against his desk. He stared up with an unreadable expression on his face, before it was slowly replaced with his usual smirk.

"That look in his eyes. I wonder what he's planning?"

He threw his arm over his eyes as silence reigned the room. But it was soon broken by his laughter, bubbling up from his chest and engulfing the room that had no one save for him.

"Interesting! Ah yes, Shiki-san is human as well! Humans are so interesting!"

The information broker straightened, making his way leisurely to the window. He smiled as he placed a hand on the glass, looking out into the far distance, a malicious glint in his eyes.

"I really, really love humans."

...

...

...

He found himself in Ikebukuro in the evening.

It was his birthday after all, and he had done the thing he loved the most, ruining the lives of his beloved humans to see their reactions. He'd had quite a few clients, and he couldn't wait to see the chaos that would unfold.

Izaya chuckled as he strolled along the familiar streets of Ikebukuro, towards a path he often ventured. He smiled as he caught sight of his destination.

Perhaps it was a little troublesome, not having Namie to run his errands for him. Had she still been there, he would have commanded her to buy him birthday ootoro. Ah but then again, what was better than seeing his lovely humans on the day he was born? The day in which a God's existence was created? Unbeknownst to his beloved humans – but which human knew the date of birth of a God?

Though, there was one human who dared to cross him on his birthday. Izaya frowned at the thought of the man who had backstabbed him. But then he shrugged and continued on, deciding it didn't really matter. The man had not been able to kill him. He was a God after all.

...

There was a nagging feeling in his gut as he walked up to Russia Sushi, which Izaya was surprised by, as he did not get the feeling often, not like a certain unpredictable monster. Izaya stared for a while at the closed sign. He blinked, then took in the words again.

**_"CLOSED"_**

**_. . ._**

Russia Sushi was closed. Russia Sushi was closed. There was no Simon standing around handing flyers, no Simon welcoming him and serving his usual birthday ootoro.

Something was happening. He could suddenly feel it in the air, was suddenly aware of whispers around him.

Something was happening. Something which was not supposed to happen was happening. Izaya felt a chill in his bones.

Something was happening without his knowledge. He had no information on what was happening.

Izaya inhaled, then recollected the day's events.

A meeting with Shiki, surprisingly Shiki had told him he would come to his office. Contacting Masaomi for his information – to which he had received a rude reply. He'd let it slide, since he was in a good mood. Messaging Namie to see her reaction, and not even receiving a reply. As expected.

He had even called Shinra, but the doctor had not picked up. It was not as if he expected Shinra to wish him a happy birthday, he'd just felt like contacting his…acquaintance.

Then he'd contacted Celty, sure she was with Shinra. She was the only one who had replied.

_[Sorry. But I have something more important to do today.]_

**_"Eh? Could it be, you're going on a date with Shinra~?"_**

Celty had not replied. Neither had Mikado and Anri in the Dollars chatroom. In fact, they had not even been there.

...

What was happening?

Something was happening in Ikebukuro, in the city he controlled, amongst his beloved humans who belonged to him, and he didn't know what it was.

He had not planned this. He had not planned some event or incident which would keep everyone, even Shiki, busy. Shiki- and Celty.

_"I have a…public event to attend."_

_[Sorry. But I have something very important to do today.]_

What was the connection? Public event. Important public event.

_"Get it yourself, bastard. Saki and I have more important things to do today."_

Today. Today. Today.

The only important event he knew was happening today was his birthday. So why was everything becoming unpredictable-

_Heiwajima Shizuo._

Izaya's eyes widened slightly. Of course. Shizu-chan was somehow involved. Everything unpredictable involved him after all. Him and Simon.

And they were both absent.

Shizu-chan had…forgiven him, so he hadn't expected to hear the monster of Ikebukuro yelling his name. But he had not seen that distinctive blond hair anywhere either.

Shiki, Celty, Masaomi.

Important. Today. Public event. Izaya pieced the key words in his mind.

It was too much of a coincidence. But what important event could those three have to attend?

And Shizu-chan. It definitely had something to do with Shizu-chan.

Something told him he wasn't going to like what he found. But when had Shizu-chan not annoyed him with his unpredictability?

Shinra and Celty. Kida and Saki. Important public event.

_. . ._

Could it be…a wedding?

Izaya blinked. Then, Shinra and Celty were getting married? Celty did say she had something very important to do and her wedding with Shinra would definitely be important to her. Then, Kida was bringing Saki along as his date, which meant Mikado and Anri would be there as well. Shiki- well, he guessed Shinra wanted to share his joy with everyone. Izaya smiled almost fondly.

It all made sense. Shizu-chan would of course be Shinra's best man. It's not like Shinra would pick him to be his best man. Izaya shook his head and turned away from Russia Sushi. Since it was Shinra, he was a little hurt, but he was also a little relieved. It was just Shinra. Silly Shinra. Well, Shinra was one strange human after all.

"Well," Izaya said, turning around and shrugging his shoulders with a wry smile, "I guess I'll just go home."

Shinra's situation was one human's situation which he wouldn't ruin. Even if it was his birthday.

Feeling more relaxed, Izaya walked away from Russia Sushi, mingling amongst his beloved humans.

"Hey hey, did you hear?"

"No way! Isn't it just a rumor?!"

"Oh?" Izaya's ears perked up and he smirked. "Looks like something interesting is happening."

"Well it could be, but I did see him with her!"

"Hey are the rumors true?!"

"That a very important wedding is taking place?!"

_"Ah, I was right."_ Izaya thought in satisfaction. _"But why would they know about Shinra's and Celty's wedding?" _He mused, blinking. A smile curved his lips, _"Don't tell me, Celty came out to them and invited them? Ah, even if she's not a human, how amusing that would be!"_

_"Or maybe Shinra told the whole of Ikebukuro. …Is that even possible?"_

"That's right!"

"That's impossible! Just who are we talking about here?!"

"Well, he has been very peaceful nowadays!"

"Uhuh! He's not so much like a monster anymore!"

_"M-Monster?"_

Izaya wasn't even aware his mind was capable of stuttering.

"I know! Actually when you look at him, he's actually quite handsome."

"Too bad he's already taken!"

"Getting married, in fact!"

"Can you believe it?!"

"The strongest man in Ikebukuro is getting married!"

"Today is Heiwajima Shizuo's wedding day!"

The world seemed to fall out from around him, and had he not stopped abruptly, he would have fallen.

_"Impossible."_

"What?!"

"Are you serious?!"

...

Izaya regained himself, his body moving on autopilot and making its way to the nearest person. Only when the guy regarded him curiously did he snap back to awareness and give a genial smile. "Excuse me. Is it true that Heiwajima Shizuo is getting married?" His fist clenched, "Do you know where the wedding is?"

"It's true!" The man nodded vigorously. He grinned, "Yeah, I was surprised too!"

"Well, I heard rumors of where it could be, but even if they're true, you shouldn't go!" His companion warned him, "After all, it's Heiwajima Shizuo! Even if he's getting married, he's still the strongest man in Ikebukuro!" He shuddered, "I heard he'll send anyone who interrupts his wedding to the other end of the city!"

"I wonder what his future wife looks like?" The man with black hair mused, "She must be really pretty for Heiwajima Shizuo to fall for her and want to settle down with her."

"She must be a real Goddess!" The other man agreed dreamily. He turned back to Izaya, "Anyway, you really shouldn't go!"

"Ah," Izaya said, smiling, fighting the urge to frown. "Really, you don't need to worry about me. I can handle myself."

The man looked at the black haired man who was shorter than him. "If you're a resident of Ikebukuro, you should know how dangerous Heiwajima Shizuo is." He said. "For your own good, don't go. That guy's the most dangerous man in the city. Along with Orihara Izaya."

Izaya's patience snapped, every word the man spoke pulling at the strings of his patience. He whipped out his switchblade and pointed it to the man's neck, causing a gasp and frightened screams and shouts around.

"I," Izaya said, eyes narrowed with a dangerous gleam, voice unusually rough, for once uncaring of the fear in his humans' eyes as he nicked the man's neck with the sharp blade, "Am Orihara Izaya."

The man whimpered, eyes wide in incredulity, and Izaya smiled malevolently, pushing the blade closer to the man's neck. "I'll ask you one more time."

"Where is Heiwajima Shizuo's wedding?"

. . .

. . .

. . .

Everyone was there.

Everyone except him.

_"You weren't invited."_

They had not invited him.

No one had invited him.

...

Everyone was there. All of his beloved humans who had been missing on his birthday. He recognized them all. His beloved humans whom he had played with, toyed with were all there, laughing and smiling and being happy.

Heiwajima Shizuo had stolen his beloved humans away from him.

Even Namie, his former secretary, was there.

His sisters, Mairu and Kururi, were there.

Shinra, the one he could consider a friend, Dotachin, Celty, they were all there.

Karisawa Erika, Walker Yumisaki, Saburo Togusa. Dotachin's friends. Yagiri Seiji, Harima Mika.

Ryuugamine Mikado with Sonohara Anri. Kida Masaomi with Mikajima Saki. Heiwajima Yuuhei with Hijiribe Ruri.

And, Shiki. And Akabayashi. Why were they there? Why were they at Heiwajima Shizuo's wedding?

And Simon. Slon. Even Dennis. And Igor.

. . .

He knew what was happening. Heiwajima Shizuo was getting married. He was the Groom. Kishitani Shinra was his Best Man. He had chosen Awakasu Akane and Celty Sturluson to be his future wife's Bridesmaids.

And the Bride.

It was Her.

...

...

...

If Izaya had been any other person, he supposed he could consider her beautiful, with her blonde hair framing her face prettily, her elegant white wedding dress sweeping against the floor as she moved and a soft smile on her lips as Shizuo slipped the shining ring on her slender finger.

And as Izaya watched the wedding in silence, he realized two things.

One, that he found Shizuo's bride the ugliest human he had ever seen-

And Two-

That Heiwajima Shizuo was happy.

...

…He was happy.

Heiwajima Shizuo was happy.

Happiness. That was the expression on his face as he held his bride in his arms, surrounded by smiling and laughing _friends._

Orihara Izaya had never seen Heiwajima Shizuo happy.

Entranced yet in pain from his cracking heart, Orihara Izaya watched Heiwajima Shizuo's wedding in silence.

...

...

...

…It wasn't fair.

Thoughts swirled around in his head.

It wasn't fair.

How could he?

His hands touched the glass.

How could he make that expression?

His reflection stared back at him.

The monster had always been unpredictable, but it was then that he realized what exactly he had done.

Shizuo had turned his back on him. He had forgiven him.

Because the monster was finally able to forgive, he could move forward.

It was the end of their story. With forgiveness, Shizuo had closed the book. He had moved on, moved on to a new story. To a new life.

...

For wasn't that what it had been? A story. A story of hatred (but Shizu-chan wouldn't agree of course, for there was no story with the flea – or maybe he would, since he had forgiven him? Damn protozoan, so unpredictable) between two dangerous beings who were supposed to be destined to chase each other for life. It was a never ending chase, and he'd thought it would always be.

For who else could match him? He loved all his beloved humans, he loved them all. But they could not match him, could not match up to their god. They were just his humans after all, he was their god. How could humans ever match up to their god? Well not that Shizu-chan could match up to him- but he had been an immovable force, a fluctuating variable. He had been _unpredictable_. And his unpredictability frustrated Izaya, but it also excited him. Here was a brute, a _monster_ who seemed human but wasn't human for Izaya didn't love him and he loved all his humans. When the god was bored with his humans, he would play with his monster. The monster was his toy. Heiwajima Shizuo was his toy. He brought Izaya entertainment. He could toy with the monster for as long as he wanted, whenever he wanted. Shizuo was _his_.

Shizuo was his. Through hatred, he had made the monster his. For a decade, he was able to bring out the monster with just his presence. He was able to make him go on a rampage, abandon all thoughts of peace and calm like his name suggested. Shizuo was his. His to toy and play with. His to break when he got bored. But of course, Shizuo was always unpredictable, and he never got bored. He was his favourite toy, one he was tempted to break but was always led on to play with for a little longer.

Heiwajima Shizuo was his. Who needed love when they had hatred? Love. Loving Shizuo. It made him laugh. Shizuo hated him, and he hated Shizuo. That was how it had always been, how it would always be. Humans were tied to each other through love. But love was fickle, love fluctuated. How many times had he seen couples who had broken up due to an argument on fidelity? How many times had he orchestrated those situations? And watched from his place just like a god watching over his humans? Yes, his humans only proved to him love was useless, it was a bond that could be broken so easily with just a few strings pulled here and there. But of course, his love for his humans was different. Because he loved all his humans. He was their god and he couldn't dedicate himself to any single one of them.

He loved all his humans, and his humans didn't love him back.

But his humans were predictable in that way. They should love him back, for humans should love their god. But they didn't. He had expected that. Of course, he wanted his humans to love him back, but his unrequited love for his humans worked well for him all the same. Because it made his love for them not weak. He was different from those couples, who had shared a mutual love but broken up due to one side having different feelings. Because his humans were predictable and would never return his love, he could continue loving them for all of eternity. Their feelings would never change, he was sure of that. They didn't love him, and he loved them. And he was sure his love for them would never change.

Mutual love made things unpredictable. Unrequited love made things remain at the status quo – predictable.

Only in such a case, could love be unbreakable. Unrequited love was strong, stronger than mutual love. It would never fade. There was a downside to it of course, like there was a downside to everything. The one holding unrequited love would usually suffer.

But he didn't suffer. He held unrequited love for his humans and he didn't suffer. Because he had accepted that his love was unrequited. His humans would never love him back. He had accepted, and with his unrequited love for them, he could predict their actions. Had they returned his love, it would have made things unpredictable. Just like the situation with those couples. It would have made- forged a _relationship_ between him and his humans. They would have feelings of their own towards him, feelings that were unpredictable and made _them _unpredictable.

That would have been unacceptable. His humans were predictable, and would always be.

He didn't need his humans to love him back. It made his love for them unbreakable after all. His love for them was stronger than their love for each other. He was their God.

. . .

And then there was Heiwajima Shizuo. The monster, the strongest man in Ikebukuro. He was a monster and Izaya didn't love him. He loved his humans, and Shizuo wasn't human. He was a monster. Izaya couldn't love him.

Izaya hated him.

He hadn't hated him at first – he had made Shizuo hate him. For he couldn't- didn't love- hold unrequited love for the monster who wasn't one of his precious humans. A monster didn't deserve his love for his love was only for his humans.

It had been a little of a dilemma, really. Here was a variable which was unaccounted for. A monster amongst his beloved humans. He couldn't love a monster, and the monster couldn't love him for it would make things unpredictable (for even none of his beloved humans loved him).

Love was out of this new equation. But the answer had been simple really, especially with the way the monster had looked at him at first sight.

Hatred.

The monster hated him. Ah yes, he knew his humans didn't love him and even hated him. But that was fine, wasn't it? As long as he loved them, everything was fine. Everything was according to his plans. They always were.

Until Heiwajima Shizuo entered the picture.

...

Hatred was undeniably strong.

Maybe even stronger than love.

And so, he had hated the monster. Maybe it was by default, but it wasn't particularly hard to do especially as the monster hated him. And Izaya didn't understand why the monster hated him- to the extent of chasing him and trying to kill him. It was surprising. None of his humans, no matter how much they hated him, had ever tried to do that before. It was something new.

Heiwajima Shizuo was unpredictable.

And Orihara Izaya found amusement in that unpredictability.

They were bonded by hatred (for he couldn't let the monster go wild amongst his beloved humans, could he?). He had bound the monster to him through hatred, an emotion so much stronger than love. With so much hatred in his being, hatred that Shizu-chan had kept for eight years straight, it was impossible for him to love. It was impossible for him to love for monsters couldn't love. That was why his Shizu-chan was unpredictable. And he liked the monster that way.

For monsters couldn't love.

...

...

...

But then…what was that look in the monster's eyes? That look as he looked at her which made something in his chest throb in pain?

That look of…'Love'.

Tears stung Izaya's eyes.

...

Why?

Why?

Hatred bound them together.

Hatred was supposed to be stronger than love.

Why did the damn protozoan have to prove him wrong again?

...

It wasn't that he loved Shizuo- but, if love was what _his_ Shizu-chan wanted, then he would have graciously allowed the monster to love him. Unrequited love was stronger than mutual love after all. There was the added bonus of the monster suffering too, for whoever held unrequited love (save for him for he was a god) would suffer. He would gladly allow his Shizu-chan to suffer.

He would gladly receive the chain of serendipity Shizuo would spin around him, with love.

...

It wasn't fair.

He had made Shizuo chase him, and only him for a fucking decade on hatred alone. And then this- this mere _human_ had come into the picture. She had come between him and _his_ Shizu-chan. He didn't care that she was a killing machine, he had known Shizuo for longer than she had known him, she was just a _human, one of his humans and she had no fucking right to come between her god and his Shizu –_

Izaya froze.

_"If I can forgive her, I can forgive you."_

Fuck. Fuck!

It was her! She- that _bitch_! The Russian assassin who was supposed to kill Heiwajima Shizuo. How- how the hell had she gone from wanting to killing him to _marrying him?!_

Fuck. Izaya laughed dryly. Shizuo had a new story alright, a damn love story! Heiwajima Shizuo falling in love with the one who aimed to kill him – hilarious! Izaya shook with laughter. It was fucking hilarious! The monster – falling in love! Wasn't it? Forgiving the one who had wanted to kill him and then because of _love,_ finally forgiving his fucking nemesis! It sounded- sounded like something out of a badly written romance novel! Heiwajima Shizuo in love- he couldn't _imagine _it.

But he didn't have to imagine it. It was right there, in front of his eyes.

He found it grotesque. The girl in the monster's arms, smiling up at him and looking like an angel, when she wasn't an angel, but a killing machine. He'd seen it for himself, seen those eyes glaring at him with bloodlust and the intention to kill.

A monster and a killing machine. Both feared creatures. And yet, they got their happy ending.

Izaya laughed, fingernails digging into the glass.

Should he add further irony to the scene? Should he? How ironic would it be for him- who had never killed, to kill a killing machine?

...

He narrowed his eyes.

Maybe it wasn't love. For wasn't hatred stronger than love? Maybe it wasn't love, but peace. Heiwajima Shizuo. Shizuo. Peaceful Man. Maybe he had fallen not for the idea of love, but for peace. And harmony. For marriage was harmonious, and peaceful, from what he could see. Peaceful and happy.

Izaya clutched his switchblade in his hand. But he almost preferred it to be love really. Then she would no longer be one of his beloved humans, he would hate her, but of course not as much as Shizuo, never as much as Shizuo. Then he could kill her, kill Vorona Douglanikov. For when he killed her, if Heiwajima Shizuo loved her, her death would make him angry. Yes, it would make him a monster again. His monster. And then he would hate him again. He would hate Izaya. And then with hatred, Shizuo would be his, again.

His, and no one else's.

For he didn't see what was so special. It was just a marriage.

Yet why did he feel this pain?

...

It was just a marriage. A contract. If Shizu-chan wanted marriage that much, if marriage – such a contract would have allowed him to keep his toy, Izaya would have married him. If Shizuo was in love with the idea of peace and harmony, Izaya would use that to his advantage. He would marry Heiwajima Shizuo and wear that fucking wedding dress if necessary and be surrounded by his beloved humans and be with his monster in a false notion of peace and harmony and let the monster fuck him on their wedding night (Shizu-chan probably fucked like the monster he was, or would he be gentle after the peaceful ceremony?) and enter the bloody contract if it would- ensure that Shizuo remained his. It didn't matter if two men marrying was illegal, Orihara Izaya had his ways. He had his ways with the underworld, and he had his ways with the government. They were just humans who could not get in between their god and his monster.

If hatred- for some inexplicable reason, no longer worked for that protozoan brain, then Izaya would do all that- to keep his toy. It would be nothing but a contract for him, just like those contracts he signed with people like Shiki. A contract to bind them together, to bind Shizuo to him.

At least then he wouldn't be alone.

. . .

Izaya watched as his monster's lips met those of a mere human. He could hear the deafening cheers even from outside the cathedral, and felt his heart sink against his will, as he watched his Shizu-chan kiss the girl who was supposed to kill him.

He should have known. Should have taken notice of how the girl had really wanted to kill him, for Shizuo. He should have noticed how close they had grown.

His eyes stung, there was water in his eyes. He had gotten complacent, assuming Shizuo would chase only him, that his entire existence was embedded deep within Shizuo's being for him to ever forget. Because hatred was supposed to be stronger than love. Hatred was supposed to be stronger than love.

So why were his eyes seeing the exact opposite?

Why were they showing him it wasn't just a marriage? That it wasn't just a contract? That it was a contract with mutual love and this- happy day for Heiwajima Shizuo was only just the beginning? That after today he would go home with his new_ wife_ and live- god forbid, happily ever after?

He would, wouldn't he? And he would forget Orihara Izaya. He would become Shizuo's past. Shizuo would no longer be a monster. Because monsters couldn't love. Shizuo would be a mere human. He would become just another one of his many humans which Orihara Izaya loved.

Which was a paradox, because Orihara Izaya didn't love Heiwajima Shizuo.

But what if the monster became a human?

What if the monster could love?

Would Orihara Izaya be forced to love Heiwajima Shizuo?

Would Orihara Izaya, God of all his beloved humans, hold unrequited love for Heiwajima Shizuo, the former monster?

...

He held the switchblade to his heart.

He was Orihara Izaya, the dangerous informant working with the underworld. He was Orihara Izaya, Heiwajima Shizuo's one and only rival. He had stabbed not only the monster of Ikebukuro but so many other people, and no one, save for Yodogiri Jinai, had managed to stab him back.

Until now. Because he was being stabbed. On his birthday. Again.

Heiwajima Shizuo was kissing Vorona Douglanikov, his bride, his new wife. And she was kissing him back.

It hurt.

The one who had been chasing him for a decade; the one who had always tried to hurt him- had finally hurt him the one time he _hadn't _tried to hurt him. Heiwajima Shizuo, his hated Shizu-chan had finally managed to hurt him, stab him back for all the times he had stabbed the brute.

Right in the middle of his heart.

Which was illogical, really. Because he was a god, and gods didn't have hearts. They couldn't have a heart, for a heart would make them biased towards certain of their beloved humans and gods were supposed to be impartial.

...

But he had a heart. For where else could this pain come from?

Did that mean he wasn't a god?

"Impossible."

That he was a mere human?

...

And as the cheers from inside resounded to such a loud volume it was audible from where he was, outside, and the romantic music reached its loudest volume, Izaya fell to his knees, his switchblade dropping onto the ground as he buried his face in his hands, a weak smirk curving his pale lips.

"I hate you, Shizu-chan…I really hate you."

It was his birthday, and he couldn't even get his delicious ootoro.

Because Russian Sushi was closed for the day and Simon and Dennis were in there with everyone else, smiling and looking_ happy without him_.

Orihara Izaya's heart did not break, for it was already broken.

...

...

...

The 4th of May.

The day in which Heiwajima Shizuo had become a mere human. The day in which the monster became a human Orihara Izaya could love.

The day during which Orihara Izaya was left, completely alone.

. . .

That day, Orihara Izaya formed the strongest bond he had ever formed with anyone. Hatred and unrequited love. Hatred which would go on for decades, and unrequited love which would never be returned. A bond that was stronger than his bond with his beloved humans.

Orihara Izaya formed a bond with Heiwajima Shizuo – an immortal bond which would never be returned and would last for all of eternity.

...

For the first time in decades, tears fell from Orihara Izaya's blood red eyes. He sobbed from where he knelt on the hard ground, alone.

Monsters were not supposed to have happy endings.


End file.
